Why grief counseling?
Hey Hi hello!
Welcome.
This blog is a record of my experience in building a practice in grief. Why I started this, where I hope to go, and what it means to be a grief counselor.
So to start, I’d like to introduce you to my experiences with grief…
TW: Suicide, Death, Grief
deep breath
My first grief experience was the loss of a relationship with my biological father. I cried off and on over that loss for years. It’s one I’ve now come to terms with, but it still stings now and then.
My second was the death of my great grandma. She was old and “it was her time to go,” my parent’s reassured me. I weeped at the back of the funeral parlor and refused to go up to her casket and see her at the viewing.
My third experience of grief was when my cousin completed suicide.
He was 16.
I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel anything.
The world seemed to stop.
He was only 2 years older than me. I did see him lying there at the viewing. In fact I went up to his casket multiple times. Just to be sure. I left a paper rose I made out of yellow card stock in his casket.
I watched as the grief from his loss broke my family. They, and I, were never the same.
I spent a long time trying to figure out this death thing. I didn’t really know what to believe or feel. It was wrong. But also kind of right? There was a lot of emotions and so many I just couldn’t figure out.
Death and dying became a thing of fascination. While other young teen girls were looking at boy bands and trying on the latest makeup trend, I was writing poetry and reading books on death, dying, and loss. I was struck by how silly those other things were in light of the greater questions in the world. I would hide in my closet in the dark and just sit with it.
I sat for years trying to tease out the meaning and purpose behind death. What does it mean.. like really mean. What is the point of life? What is the point of anything?
I took time going to therapy on and off over the years. 6 months when I was 16, 3 months at 19, a year at 21… and each therapist had something to add to my healing journey. One told me it was normal to think about suicide more since I experienced it at such a young age. One asked me why I didn’t just get rid of my dogs if they were causing so much stress. Another helped me break some of those beliefs that were harming me, like I can’t run the dishwasher without emptying it first.
Some of these things were helpful, and some hurtful. Mostly though, none of them knew what to do with my grief. It was a constant search for something meaningful. How can I make this senseless loss meaningful? My cousin was dead. His life was now done. What do I do with that?
And after some time with these thoughts, that depression, that confusion, I learned the point.
Life is meant to be lived in meaningful ways. The purpose is to create and find that meaning. In grief work, this is called, Meaning Making.
And here’s the best part, you get to decide what is meaningful. You get the choice. While death and loss can sometimes be full of meaningless-ness, you, the living, get to determine what that death, loss, grief means to you, and what you want to do with it.
And that’s why I’m here.
Death, loss, grief, trauma, can all feel so meaningless and absolutely horrible.
And yet, we can take back that control and redetermine what that meaning is to us. We can be empowered in healing.
For me, it was learning everything I could about loss, death, dying, grief, and trauma so I can give the information and support to you.
There is hope. There is light. Let’s find it together.
Let’s get real about grief.